Minutes From Emergency AT Re-Strategy Session By Kismet El Supremo Warrior Cat!

Ha-ha, Mee-yowl-wow, New York, New York I reign supreme and have conquered you. You should have seen me last night. My first wild mouse on the hoof hunt! These New York mice are clueless. He never saw me coming. I was Warrior Cat, hear me roar! Even with my male human biped disturbing the hunt with his glaring head beam it was kitten’s child play to capture the wild mouse. I had the puny fuzzy in my claws and then I’d let it go and then I’d catch it again. It was just never going to completely get away but did it know that? No! Why, because I reign supreme! That was so amusing and I honestly think my male biped was helping me play a more entertaining game with his glaring head beam offering little mousey false hopes of escape periodically. Delicious! Let me tell you from the beginning how it went………..oh yes, in an effort to be more fairly and equally represented I was “offered” the “opportunity” to report back on the Mandatory AT Re-Strategy Session. The things that pass for entertainment with the bipeds. Can I share my bored face with you already? Meeyawn.

First of all, let’s face it, every one of those long-strided biped steps is about equal to 10 of mine, so let’s just say one human biped foot, one feline mile. I also have twice as many legs to be moving along! Give it a rest with those so-called “short” easy starter hikes. I, the Supremo Warrior Cat will now define what is a “short” starter hike. Ten human feet, that’s ten feline miles for me. OK, I pretty fit and yes can do the ten feline miles quite easily. We negotiated to around 100 human feet/100 cat miles! I’d say that’s pretty impressive for these so-called starter hikes and that’s without proper feline sporty shoe wear (not that I’d ever soil my cat paws with any kind of man made materials that didn’t give my claws complete freedom for playing with mousey).

Two, enough with the boulder states and their boulder hiking paths. Yes, yes, you call them rocks, I call them mountain climbing boulders. They are not helpful for my cat stamina when I have to continuously climb over them. Therefore we will need to find AT Trails with no boulders! Actually the female biped was quite vociferous on her agreement with me on this.

Three, I do not like these tick things. I am told they are ruinous to my health and apparently my fur is highly attractive to them, since two of these beasts have already been found feasting on my delectable body parts, with believe it or not my fur being insufficient protection against them. Yes, I too am boggled. I think there is something about them originally feasting on the deer, deer ticks, who are reputed to have quite soft and beautiful fur themselves. Remind you of anyone?

Four, enough with the rain. My paws are muddy all the time now, and who knows what chemicals are in this acidic stuff that falls from the sky? Only the Kismet and his secret grooming ingredients from pure cat glands is good enough for my fur and no one tongues fur the way I do. Yes, it’s a talent.

So, in summary:

  • Short feline hikes as defined by moi, Kismet.
  • Hikes on non-boulder strewn trails
  • Stay as far away from those tick things as possible. They are not conducive to good cat hunting.
  • No more rain hiking/camping! Cats are meant to be inside by a fire grooming themselves during this rain time, not outside with this smokey thing pretending to be a fire and possibly getting cat fur cancer because of the toxic qualities of this water from the sky.

What does this mean? It appears that we will have to do some more extensive traveling in the metal cage on wheels to find a section of the AT that meets my requirements. I’m good with that. I’m still exhausted from the last so-called hike/death march. By the by, no one picks up the Kismet and walks with him. Unbelievable.